Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
