If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize