Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
