A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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