I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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