I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
