You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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