my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
