Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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