chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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