Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
