my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
