just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
