What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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