I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
