did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
