some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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