Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
operation have a gay friend backfired
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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