Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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