no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
