Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
