Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
