Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
