oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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