Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I love having hate sex.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
