ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
