Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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