The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
