Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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