I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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