Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
