I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
