This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
