I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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