Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
