It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
