She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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