I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
