How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
