Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
