dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
