Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
