Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
