This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
