Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
