did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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