Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
