WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
