I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
