So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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