some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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