took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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