Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
