The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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